Chasing a Butterfly One woman chasing the ever elusive dream while still planting her feet in reality.

I was still a teenager when I first moved to Manhattan. I was not the kind of teenager you hope and pray for. I was very troubled, extremely rebellious and incredibly head strong. I’m proud to say that the first two things have changed. The last, well… it’s a trait from my amazing grams so while most say head strong isn’t a quality to brag about, I cherish it.

In any case, I was still in high school when I first moved in with my father. And I had a 10 minute walk to my school that was deep in Chelsea. There were a few amazing things I saw on my way to school.

The first was the Hotel Chelsea. I could actually see the Hotel from my apartment on 23rd Street. It is a very large magnificent building in the middle of the block between 7th and 8th Avenues. When you walk past the hotel, there are a number of plaques telling the stories of the amazing artists, writers and musician’s who stayed there. Yes Sid killed Nancy in Room 100 but many others stayed there. Mark Twain, Dylan Thomas, Arthur Miller, Simone de Beauvoir, Jack Kerouac, Bob Dylan, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix all lived at the hotel for some time. Andy Warhol shot his film “Chelsea Girls” there and way back in 1910, Titanic survivors stayed there for some time after the accident.

The second was Barney’s. I’m sure I’m dating myself here but Barney’s, in my day, was on 17th Street and there was the main store on 17th and 7th and then there was the Co-Op further toward 8th Avenue. When I wandered into Barney’s to kill time after school one day, I’m not sure I understood the environment I was in, which was probably for the better. But it’s certainly where my love of high-end cosmetics and fragrances comes from. When you walked into the 17th Street store, it was grand. You knew you were some place special. I remember the staircase particularly and how it curved down and around then upwards to the clothing floors. I’ll never be a fan of the Madison Avenue Barney’s. It never felt right to me.

Finally, I would walk past what is now known as the “Chelsea Historic district”. The blocks that are W19th and W23rd Streets between 7th and 10th Avenues have row-style brownstone buildings lining each block. Chelsea, named for the neighborhood in London, went through several changes before my moving there. It was first a private estate then divided and sold to the Episcopal Diocese of NY which built on it’s newly purchased land and sold row houses to the highest bidder. At that time commercial use of the land was forbidden and it stayed that way for 30 years. Then in 1847 a high line railroad was built (it’s still there and is pretty cool to visit) and West Chelsea became pretty industrial; which was the way I saw it when I first moved there.

My school was an “entrance exam only” high school that focused on high scoring kids in Math and Creative Writing (guess which program I attended). And it was funny because the school was surrounded by very industrial buildings and a few gems like Barney’s in that grand looking building and the Hotel Chelsea in it’s bohemian gothic glory. And as I lived there until I got married in my late 20′s, Chelsea morphed from this industrial, baron, deserted district to a haven for art galleries and little boutique’s. It was really the first place in my life that I felt at home.

And at times I miss being in the heart of Chelsea and seeing the amazing modern artists or the tea house I used to go to that had coy swimming in the floor but I couldn’t imagine Drew growing up a city kid. For me though, it will always be home. But the Chelsea in my mind. While the row houses are still there since zoning laws prohibit changing them (something I whole-heartedly believe in – preserving our architectural history), Barney’s is long gone and the Hotel Chelsea has been closed for over a year though it is supposed to be under construction. It is a landmark so they are restoring it not destroying it. Hopefully.

I always thought of myself as a Chelsea girl… and still do. Chelsea is with me regardless of whether I’m there or not. And Chelsea holds so many memories for me that one day, I hope to tell Drew. The way he’ll feel about where we live now… is how I feel about Chelsea. There’s no place like home.

If you took a look at my iTunes you would think a few things.

1. “HOLY SHIT! How much money have you spent on music over the years?”

2. “Does more than 1 person store music in there?”

3. “RICHARD MARX!!!! BWAH HA HA!”

So first… yes I probably have spent a small fortune on music over the years. I swear I should have been able to play something, anything… but I didn’t take my guitar lessons seriously (Sorry Sean!) and I was always into words ever so slightly more than music. I write to music though. I can’t write creatively – or work for that matter – without my precious ear phones. Need them or I cannot be creative or focused.

Second… technically it’s only me but like every woman, I do have multiple personalities. I like everything. Country, R&B, Pop, Rock, Classical, Spanish…. Whatever. If I feel something and the artist is emoting anything, I don’t care how cheesy it might be… I love it.

And finally, yes Richard Marx. I really believe that he’s one of THE most under-rated song writers like ever. Or maybe runner up to Jon and Mariah but up there. If you grew up in the 80′s then you cannot resist knowing all the words to Endless Summer Nights and having a smile as you remember whatever prom you were at when you danced to Right Here Waiting. And I’m sorry but you cannot be immune to the effects of Hold Onto the Nights. The lyrics are just goose bump inducing. And I won’t even mention the brilliance of Should’ve Known Better and that memorable bridge part… “I gave you all of my body and soul, Never believing we might lose control, I took my hands off the wheel…”

And despite the fact that you think you haven’t heard from Richard Marx since 1989 – you have. He’s written songs for NSync, Luther Vandross, Jesse McCartney, Keith Urban, and he’s even written with one of my favorites, Daughtry.

So I just wanted to get it out there. Richard Marx is a musical genius. Now go buy his greatest hits and get those lighters up (Remember that? Before cell phones… we actually had to hold up a LIGHTER!)!

Many times I blog about what’s going on in my life or progress on the infamous book. Today I just want to remember a moment…

The other night I laid down with my son to fall asleep and he took my face in his hands and and said “Mama… you’re the best”. It completely melted me in a way I cannot even find words for.

I’m sure as he grows these sweet comments will turn into things that will slay me as he begins to assert his own likes and dislikes as well as his independence but right now… I’m just going to relish in the fact that the most important little person in the world to me thinks I’m the best.

This kid… he has so much of me he will never, ever know.

The past few weeks I noticed this irritating pain growing in my right heel. It started out pretty dull and over the next few weeks got worse and began to swell. I debated going to the doctor because quite honestly, I lost 7 lbs so far and I didn’t want to be told I couldn’t work out for a period of time.

Crazy? Probably. But totally the reason. But when I woke up Tuesday morning and couldn’t put any pressure on my foot, I decided I might have to bite the bullet and go.

I found a podiatrist and headed out of work a tad early to go. At that point in the day, the side of my foot swelled and I was limping. And still I would have worked out that night. Yes Crazy. Yes True.

So the doctor comes in and she appears to be much younger than me. She says a few years then sees my file and says, “Wow you look GOOD for your age!”.

She looks at my foot and winces. I’m thinking that when a podiatrist looks at your foot and winces, it’s not a good thing. She tells me about Plantar Fasciitis – a painful swelling of the tissue that forms the arch of your foot and is usually present in flat footed people who are also very active. It can also appear in middle aged individuals but I’m choosing to ignore that part and go with the first two.

We get some X-Rays done and – lo and behold I also have a heel spur. I had those things on the back of cowboy boots in mind when she said that. Well turns out… not far from the truth. A heel spur is a hook of bone protruding from the heel. It can be painful but the main source of pain is usually the swelling of the Plantar Fascia. This is also a condition present in middle aged men and women. I’m thisclose to cursing.

Dr. Youngblood then takes out a needle that measures from my wrist to the tip of my middle finger. She says, “this might hurt”. Then inserts the needle into the bottom of my foot where the arch should be (I have really flat feet) and I feel it in my ankle. I was writhing on the chair. Yelling. Yep, I yelled at her.

She apologized, taped my foot up and showed me some things I need to be doing, told me no activity for 24 hours (I’m still within that 24 hour period God Damn it all) and asked me to come back in 3 weeks. She wants me to wear orthotics and maybe a brace.

And what am I worried about? I’m missing 2 days of Body Revolution. Very upset about this. Very. Hopefully I’ll wake up and be pain free tomorrow. Cause today… the pain is very present.